04.15.02 santacon nyc 2001
i know you've seen hundreds of drunken santas before, probably. one santa is good. hundreds, drunk, are exponentially better.

if you could wrap up all the happy rainbow sunshine lovebeams in the world and put them in a package, that package would weigh the same amount as all these santas. you know what i'm saying?

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my new favorite thing. gorgeous + creepy + weird + another adjective that hasn't even been invented yet.

04.13.02 tone loc to play wayzgoose medieval festival
anachronistic but it works because 80s pop music was as cruel and barbaric as medieval times.

scroll down to 4-5 pm on the music stage (next to the picture of the child and the duck).

"The infamous Tone Loc will perform the smooth and funky sounds of "Wild Thing" and "Funky Cold Medina," plus many more!"

[Thanks, Chris.]

04.12.02 comic starring Mr Fluff, by Alana McGillis
i don't have to tell you how awful most online comics are. this one's an exception. and what an exceptional exception it is.

Handy Hen, the hen that can use a hammer
If someone approaches you on the street and asks you if you want to come back with him into the alley to see a chicken with hands, a chicken that knows how to use a hammer--Handy Hen. Don't do it. Even if he says it's only three dollars. Because it might be a trick.

One thing is it might just be a person in a chicken costume who will hit you on the head with a hammer and then steal all your money. That's worst case scenario.
04.10.02 metal mickey
Ex-Monkee Micky Dolenz created this children's show for the BBC in the early 1980s. It featured an enormous, not-very-bright robot adopted by a suburban family. Just imagine the hilarious misadventures they must have had.

From all reports, this show was awful.

Here's a transcribed interview with Micky Dolenz that gives us a tiny bit more behind the scenes info on Metal Mickey. (Apparently no one has yet told Dolenz that the show wasn't very good.)

Metal Mickey's catch-phrase was, "boogie boogie."

Here's an mp3 of the Metal Mickey theme song by Micky Dolenz. Holy crap.

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dog costumes
batman dog, superman dog, sherriff, and also hippie doggie. people are weird.

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french fry baby
worst costume ever. doesn't even look like "french fries" as much as "McDonald's-branded baby." Also, is that cute at all? "aww, look at my adorable little grease-fried potato. so sweet." no.

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efesh house
Do indulge in efesh house. And also fun hua house. Two dome home concepts for you today. From Japan, mochiron.

[Thanks, modbuster.]

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butterfly, where would you hide?
Through words and imagery, members of Mrs. Cupples's Kindergarten Class explain where they would hide if they were butterflies.

04.09.02 puppet artists: experience the magic - fantasy characters

please see also puppet artists' realistic puppets, like "Lady of the Night" through whom you can, "Add a dimension to your puppet world that you may never consider in your ordinary life. Live on the wild side."

Live on the wild side. With your puppets.

i need to also point out that you can get puppet portraits done. i never thought of that before, but that rules.

also, celebrity puppets.

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Combination Keyboard and Mouse
includes videos of the keyboard/mouse combo in action, as well as some geeky-cool old prototypes.

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blue lanugo picture hunt
this is fun. Here's how it works. Basically, you can submit little snippets of writing, and/or you can submit pictures found online to go with other peoples' snippets of writing.

I thought it would be one of those things that sounds fun but in actual execution is disappointing (like dehydrated ice cream), however it turns out that it's one of those things that sounds fun and then is pretty fun (like boba).

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detail of only known photo of Lincoln at Gettysburg
kind of neat.

"The plate lay unidentified in the Archives for some fifty-five years until in 1952, Josephine Cobb, Chief of the Still Pictures Branch, recognized Lincoln in the center of the detail, head bared and probably seated."

when you look at the whole photo, it's amazing that she spotted Lincoln in there at all.

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Louis C.K. is a funny man
Here are some video clips from HBO of Louis C.K. doing stand-up. This one about waving a peach at someone cracks me up, but I'm not sure why, and I can't promise that it will crack you up.

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freaky kitten animation
really freaky. might give you nightmares.

the rest of the site i'm not too into, but the knight rider page is maybe worth a gander.

04.08.02 performing dog
oh yes.

this performing pug will paw his way into your heart--and your pocketbook, so look out! he's got a hat on his head and the ace of spades in his mouth. aww, yeah.

p.s. Conrad, the ventriloquist bird. And the Captain. Conrad and the Captain, ladies and gentleman, let's give them a big hand. Weren't they great? Conrad and the Captain.

[Thank ye, Scout.]

04.05.02 my favorite iron maiden fan
from the iron maiden fan gallery. He built a giant "Eddie" head on top of his house.

I hope he lives in a neighborhood where all the residents are metalheads and everyone is thrilled to be living next door to his creation. Oh sure, they get into neighborly arguments over whether Sabbath is better than Maiden while they're raking leaves, but deep down they all agree: metal rules.

other Maiden fans include: young fan obsesssive fans, fans who play mops as if they're guitars, and this guy.

Also, there's fan art.

04.04.02 High-Power Green Lasers Open up Precision Machining
Great pictures, great diagrams, and great words--even if I'm too ignorant of the way of the laserbeam to understand them.

alternate headline for the top picture: "Budget Babysitters--Convicted on All Four Counts"

Some technical mumbo-jumbo:

"During the past decade, pulses of green light have come from copper-vapor lasers and lamp-pumped solid-state green lasers, but ever-growing demand for higher performance and reliability have pushed these laser systems beyond their capacity.... the high-power pulsed green laser can be used to pump ultrashort-pulse lasers, create laser displays, and treat disfiguring skin conditions such as port-wine stains."

If one of those smartly-dressed men of science were to approach me in the street and deliver the above spiel, I would flee in terror gladly give him a dollar.

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chinese propaganda posters
amazing collection. don't miss song and dance, iron women and foxy ladies, or chubby new year's babies.

[via emptybottle]

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minutes upon minutes of lo-fi fun.
late night pizza anecdote
i have an anecdote that i keep meaning to put in this column, but it's actually too long to go here. so i think i'll send it in a pantsmail.

Sign up, if you're interested in that. The anecdote is a good one. It involves a late-night pizza place, insults, tension, a dramatic showdown, and one very drunk Larry Hagman. So sign up or miss out.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: actual anecdote contains no Larry Hagman, drunk or otherwise. Any statements implying Larry Hagman content are for the sole purposes of misleading readers and/or slander. You betcha. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. Sign up.

04.03.02 Alex Gopher's Party People video (quicktime)
a day in the life of a man made of clay.

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The UC San Diego Library
looks like a spaceship! And, as if that wasn't cool enough, the library was made possible by a generous donation from Theodore Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss.

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Cute, big-eared Russian creature, star of children's books, stop-motion animated features, and dramatic radio-play-style records.

Also, check out these Cheburashka sounds from the animated show. Some great songs, and also cartoon voices speaking theatrical cartoon Russian.

[Thanks, Rebecca!]

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remember dhky? i do. i was just thinking about that site. i haven't looked at it in ages, but i still like it. and here you can randomly load all the old dhky front doors, including this one, which rules.

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bip hop shockwave music machine
file under "neat musical distraction." or file under "bip hop" or file under "taxes." i guess it depends on how your filing system is set up.

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the budget traveler's guide to sleeping in airports
"For travellers who are REALLY on a budget and are looking for a way to skim a few bucks off their travel expenses, why not consider sleeping in an airport? Many airports are actually better than local lodging. And to top it off - IT'S FREE!"

[Thanks, Patrick.]

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the truth behind those "Work from Home" ads you see on telephone poles
fascinating investigative article from

[via 50cups]

04.02.02 traktor clips (quicktime)
hilarious ads. All good, but most especially the Jukka Brothers, Plant, and Meteor.

[Thanks, Deirdre.]

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Michel Gondry Smirnoff ad
also quicktime, from the same site as above. I like the promise that maybe my life could be as exciting as that, if only I could down enough Smirnoff. I'd better get started right now.

04.01.02 mtv russia
all in Russian, but interesting in a compare-and-contrast essay question kind of way.

And here's some station IDs in that Russian animation style; "dreary" would be the adjective in charge of describing that style--sometimes clever, always dreary.

plus, VJs from MTV Russia.

Also note that they have a program called "Shit Parade," which is what they probably should have named American MTV.

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hypnotic ability
short realplayer video on the basics of hypnosis courtesy of Scientific American. Not super-exciting or anything, but i thought it was kind of neat. is that okay if i link to something that i think is just kind of neat? i hope so.

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robitussin DM abuse humor
inside jokes and joke recipes (at least I hope they're not serious recipes) from the depressing robitussin-abuse community.

an example:

"You know youre a dxm addict when... you regularly drink the family size robo bottles without ralphing.

You know youre a dxm addict when... 4 people check to see if you're dead in one night."

Robitussin also inspires people to make mostly kind of lousy art.

i think we're all glad that the robitussin abusing community is one of those communities that only exists online, and not in some village somewhere, because robitussin village probably smells like cough syrup and puke.

[thanks, Jake.]

this column
is often left blank. don't give me any guff about that, please.
03.29.02 gooflee's japanese ads
these ads are a few years old and they're in realplayer format, which we all hate. but they're worth checking out for the water heater one; it's charming. you have to appreciate a culture that's capable of producing charming water heater ads.

03.28.02 collectable cuddle kids
Creepy nightmare dolls with animal bodies and human faces. The adorable cuddle kids will capture your heart and steal your soul.

[thanks, Ducky.]

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exhibit of found photos of gnomes
"The Eryk Salvaggio Museum of Modern Living presents 'Gnomes on Auction' a collection of found photographs from online auction sites."

this is an excellent way to spend the next 90 seconds of your life. great gnomes, great photos, all-in-all a great 90 seconds.

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the stop juvenile delinquency rap (windows media player)
ill advice straight outta fresno:

"i strongly suggest that you
say no to negative peer pressure
because it's definitely gonna come your way
and say yes to fulfilling your education
for a brighter day."

[Thx José]