03.25.02 world's largests
this guy drove his motorcycle all over america taking pictures of the world's largest things.

He must really like big things.

Big ram, big ax, big ominous cross.

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unpublished Garbage Pail Kid Stickers
includes an Abe Lincoln Garbage Pail Kid (GPK).

also, the very first GPK--unpublished as well. and 20 unpublished roughs from series 16--yours for only $5000.

There's much more GPK art--more than you probably even care to look at--all drawn by John Pound, who also did Wacky Packs as well as illustrations for Mad magazine.

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JKX: the Jamie Kennedy Experiment
This is my new favorite show. It's hit and miss, but they usually have at least one good prank per episode.

It's like Candid Camera, but they take the pranks a little bit farther; they may spend a whole day or two with the prank-ee, or the bit might involve a huge cast of people and an elaborate set. Plus, it's a little more mean-spirited than Candid Camera.

And every stunt features Jamie Kennedy playing a different character--which he's actually pretty impressive.

here are a couple pages of clips: this page and this one too. Unfortunately, you don't get much of a feel for what they're doing from these brief clips.

The ones where they attempt some social commentary seem to work best (like Child Island and the InstaCooker infomercial). The Virginia bits and when the show just wanders into dumb homophobia are the worst. Also once they made someone cry, which I'm nowhere mean enough to think that's funny (unless it's Louie Anderson).

Other favorites of mine so far are the one with Bob Saget (here's another Saget clip). Also Kreed. Plus this one just because it has a ventriliquist dummy.

Anyway, it's on Sundays at 8:00/8:30 (7:00/7:30 central) on the WB. So it's opposite The Simpsons and Malcolm in the Middle. Which is why no one's seen it. And I swear, every time I catch it, I'm surprised it's still on. It feels like something that's just going to disappear and be forgotten forever one week--because it just feels different from most of what's on most non-cable TV--not radically different, but just a little strange and confusing at first.

i don't mean to go on and on about it because it's not like the greatest show ever, but it is my favorite new show on right now. there's probably much better stuff on cable. i don't have cable.

03.22.02 caffeine ratings

this caffeine abuse page is interesting too.

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everything you ever wanted to know about Sammy Davis, Jr.
This site provides a nice concise outline of Davis's life and career. It gave me everything I wanted to know and left me wanting more. In doing so, this was the exact perfect Sammy Davis, Jr. website for me to read today. Thank you.

By the way, here's a telegram that Marlon Brando sent to Sammy in 1955:


03.21.02 yodeling
This Korean yodeling aficionado has 14 pages of yodeling mp3s for you to download.

When you woke up this morning, you probably didn't know that today you would be presented with the opportunity to download mp3s of yodeling courtesy of a Korean yodeling fanatic, but here you are.

And that's what makes life so fantastic, such a hoot, such a kick in the pants. Know what I'm saying?

[Thanks Squidranch.]

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The Pretenders (is not about The Pretenders)
Good NY Times article about Paradise City, a Guns N' Roses cover band out of Ohio.

Many quotable quotes, including this:

"At departure time, only 40 percent of the band is not under the influence of some kind of chemical. Twenty minutes into the trip, that percentage will fall to zero. Even before we get on the road, this Punky character looks drunk enough to die; amazingly, he's just getting started. They're all just getting started. It remains to be seen if these guys can sound like Guns N' Roses, but they clearly have the self-destructive thing mastered."
UPN Unit 13 news
Seems like they should refer to it by a word other than "news."

Last night they had a (long!) report about lottery fever and they actually talked to a doctor who explained that it's not a fever in the literal sense of having a high temperature.

They should have had a comic boing sound effect after he said it, just to underscore their sincerity as journalists.

Oh! I just found some good examples for you of Unit 13's integrity.

Let's start with Pom Pom Pain:

"Cheerleaders in the movies are glamorous, the girls every one [sic] wants to be or, at least, hang out with. But in real life there's a rough side to the rah-rah squad.

They may be perky, pretty and popular but they're bodies are ending up broken, battered and bruised!"

Here's another story, also aspersed with abundant alliteration, Scrunchy Love:

"Scrunchies aren't just for ponytails anymore. They're part of a, super secret sex code in dorms, across southern California...."

Thank you, David, for that super secret scrunchie sex code report.

And this just in: "Unit 13 shows us why some think the bigger the butt, the better the booty."

Luckily nothing serious is happening in the world, because if it was then this fluff news might be considered irresponsible.

European jeans data
The #1 selling jeans in Europe are Levi's with 9% of the market. The #2 sellers are Wrangler, with 3%.

03.13.02 goopymart
funny and well drawn.

see for yourself:
  • Nero's chews
  • bitter folks
  • goopshi

  • 03.11.02 beefchart.pdf
    beefchart, pretty beefchart. (PDF file, 1.2Mb, but if you have a fast connection, it's worth it for all that beefy goodness.)

    [Thanks, Jake.]

    03.10.02 UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan resolves muppet alphabet song dispute (realplayer)
    brought to you by the UN cyberschoolbus, where you can also play flag tag, which is surprisingly fun.

    [Thanks, Chisato.]

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    fight scene video clip (quicktime, ~2Mb)
    crazy crazy craziness. Billy Barty, is that you?

    [Thanks, John.]

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    Chuck Barris presents Themes from TV Gameshows
    extra coupons for jamba juice
    you know how i've mentioned that the woman who delivers my mail is crazy? well, she did this awesome thing the other day, which i'm pretty sure is illegal, but don't tell anybody because i don't want people (even crazy people) to be getting in trouble on account of some blabbermouth on some stupid website.

    she was delivering coupons from jamba juice. every resident at every single address in our neighborhood was mailed one of these coupons. well, every resident but one, because she gave us two of them. she even said, "here, i'll give you two."

    prior to that, she was flipping out about not being able to scan the code from a package, so seemingly to make up for the freak out, she gave us two of the buy-one-get-one-free jamba juice coupons.

    so there you go. sometimes crazy can work in your favor. or, rather, my favor.
    racist cat
    what if your cat was a racist? it's pretty difficult to teach a cat anything, so teaching it something complicated, like not to hate, is probably impossible. would you get rid of the cat? or keep the cat, but just warn guests?

    "i want to apologize in advance for my cat. you'll understand when you meet him. he's really racist."

    even if you're the most tolerant and progressive-thinking person in the world, if you had a racist cat, people might think that the cat had learned it from you.

    anyway, i'm glad i don't have to worry about that. my cat's alright. not a racist.

    he's just age-ist.
    03.05.02 Texas Drawl
    Deface the president.

    Maybe I wouldn't hate the guy so much if I was a not-too-bright, born-again, recovering alcoholic and drug addict, failed businessman who was looking for a role model. Or if I didn't care about being able to breathe air.

    Don't miss the gallery of popular defacements.

    [Thanks, Joel.]

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    modern-day mummification
    You can have the folks at Summum mummify your pet. Here are the instructions for shipping a pet to be mummified.

    And when they're not busy making mummies, members of Summum get to hang out in the pyramid that they built in Salt Lake City. It looks like it's in a residential neighborhood, but I read something elsewhere that described it as industrial. Either way, I'm into it.

    Oh, and something else I read mentioned that the Summum organization is always getting hassled by Mormons and the theocratic government of Utah. Mormons to Mummums: "Move along mummy-lovers, there's only room for one fringe-y cult-church in this state."

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    dogs in elk
    dogs revel in being nasty. this long thread captures dogs at their nastiest, craziest, elk-carcass-eatingest dogginess. you go, you nasty dogs!

    "They crawled inside, and now I have a giant incredibly heavy piece of carcass in my yard, with 2 dogs inside of it, and they are NOT getting bored of it and coming out. One of them is snoring. I have company arriving in three hours..."

    originally from salon's tabletalk, i guess it's been floating around in email and stuff for a while, but this is the first time i'd seen it. someone at MIT even did a little work to confirm the validity of it.

    [thanks, Frankie.]

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    The Thing with Two Heads
    "They transplanted a WHITE BIGOT'S head onto a Soul Brother's Body ...Now they're in Deeeeep trouble!"

    03.04.02 JC Penney catalog Fall-Winter 1980 catalog
    every page is a winner, i swear. but i want to mention: "comfortable bowling shoes... always a point-maker."

    also, Ronald-Reagan 1980 whitey-white-ified America, meet the multi-cultural brownie brigade.

    from excitement machine, which is fancy and fun (like French toast with walnuts).

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    celebrating a fat cat.

    when i get to start my own culture from scratch, i think i'll deify enormous cats like this. kind of like ancient egypt meets sumo wrestling. except, let's be honest, it's nothing like that.

    here are more big cats, especially my favorite, fat ghost pokemon kitty. (i can totally see people in my culture worshipping that cat.)

    i sort of enjoy that is written in kewl-ese and aggressively un-spellchecked.

    [thanks, Jessica.]

    03.01.02 chipmunk punk

    [Thanks Pete, Esquire.]

    March 2002: getting my act together
    I was thinking that January 2002 was going to be the month that I would get my act together. (But I went and played all that farkle, instead.) Then I was thinking that it would be February. And I'm not sure what happened with that--such a short month. Now I'm pretty sure that it's March 2002. This is the month that I'll get my act together. Not today, mind you, because I have all this stuff to do today and next week also, but sometime later in the month for sure.
    02.27.02 bee boy
    bee boy!

    [thanks, Scout.]

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    The Osmonds performing Crazy Horses on Top of the Pops (realplayer)
    This song rocks me. This performance rolls me. Check it out and be rocked and rolled yourself.

    vacuuming up popcorn
    today i discovered a way to be lazy by not sleeping late.

    i had a dream that i had to vacuum up a bunch of popcorn that i'd spilled all over the place.

    and i sort of drifted awake in the middle of it and i was like, "oh, i'd better get back to sleep so i can finish cleaning up that popcorn." then i realized that if i didn't fall back to sleep, i could get out of cleaning it up.

    that's how lazy i am--i'm even avoiding dream housework. i mean, how much energy does it take to dream-vacuum?
    02.25.02 great ad
    from the company that gave us cat herding.

    [Thanks, José.]

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    koi flag drawings by Nagasaki school children

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    Lucille Cataldo sings "hairdresser" (4.7Mb mp3)
    From the manhattan public access cable program "stairway to stardom," to a video producer guy, to a friend of mine, to me. Then from my VCR, to my stereo, to my minidisc recorder to my computer, to an aiff file to an mp3. To sharpeworld and now to you.

    "Hairdresser" was written and performed by Ms. Lucille Cataldo. Please enjoy.

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    google name game
    this is my new favorite thing to do with the google image search. You know how certain peoples' names give you a pretty specific idea of the person who might have such a name? Well, you can get a quick survey of who owns what name with google's image search. Here are some to get you started.

    Ernest, Tabatha, Luisa, Wilma, Todd, Steve, Yuri, Sid, Jacques, Gloria, Pete, Peter, Petey, Leslie, José, Jules, Zeke, Juan, Jerod, Jeffy, Mandy, Blake, Mindy, Dieter, Bobby, and so on.
    overheard in a Beverly Hills taqueria
    This woman was telling her associates about a guy she wants to date:

    "He's a real catch. His home was featured in Southern Homes. He drives a ______ (fancy car--I forget what). And he's handsome. And he's smart."

    So, apparently in Beverly Hills, this is the order of importance:

    1. House
    2. Car
    3. Appearance
    4. Intelligence

    Number 4 might have even been an afterthought.

    "Get licked by tungdog.", celebrating a dog with a 17-inch tongue.

    Also, this animated gif is puzzling. It goes like this: tongue-dog, ass-crack, pony, tongue-dog, ass-crack, pony, tongue-dog, ass-crack, pony, tongue-dog, ass-crack, pony, and so on.

    Maybe the person who made that gif was thinking, "now, here are three things that I want to show you. First of all, here's tongue-dog; next up, an ass-crack; and finally, a pony. There. You see?"

    Soon you'll be able to order tungdog novelty items. One wonders, what will they be?

    By the way, you should say, "tongue-dog, ass-crack, pony," to the next person you see. Say it in a really urgent tone, like you're asking for their help. Or say it like you're explaining something to them that they couldn't possibly understand.

    [Thanks, Jessica.]

    attn: terrorists
    stop being stupid. leave the liberty bell alone.

    also, you're aggravating. you're really the most aggravating people ever, do you know that? you probably do. you probably know that and you like it, that's how aggravating you are.
    02.20.02 The Orange Peel Story
    Orange Peel is a van.

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    NY Times: Pentagon announcing plans to perhaps disseminate misinformation
    Is the Pentagon so clueless and wacko that they now ANNOUNCE plans to disseminate misinformation? Just go ahead and disseminate it like you usually do; don't tell everyone. Dumbasses.

    "That office [the proposed Office of Strategic Influence at the Pentagon] is contemplating plans, which are being reviewed by Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld, to disseminate information, and possibly even disinformation, in foreign media as part of an aggressive campaign by the military to promote American policies overseas."

    Everyone everywhere figures that the Pentagon is already doing this, right? So I don't see how this is news.

    "The major goal, officials said, is to stem what the White House sees as a rising tide of anti-Americanism."

    So, when people don't like you, you know what makes them like you better? Lying to them. Oh, and also bombing the crap out of them.

    Ugh. Stop annoying me so much, Pentagon. I swear. You guys owe me money.

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    this is probably some in-joke to which i'm not privy, but still it cracks me up. (get the background sound to load if you want the full experience.)

    [thanks, colinland (who wants you to visit his site and click his banners so that he can become immortal. i'm not saying that you should do that or shouldn't do that, just that that's what he wants you to do).]

    02.18.02 This is Blythe
    Photographer/videographer Gina Garan turned her obsession with the Blythe doll (issued by Mattel for only one year, 1972) into a 96-page book of photos that I would like to own or maybe just check out of my local library.

    Here are 7 pages of neat Blythe photos from the book. And, here, (on another site), are some more photos.

    Also check out this neat little ad featuring Blythe as the spokesdoll for Japanese deparment store, Parco (Quicktime).

    [Thanks, Jessica.]

    02.17.02 jon spencer blues explosion videos
    i dug these. you might dig them too. realplayer format. Dang is especially fun. Magical Colors too, kind of. Oh, and Two Kinds of Love rules, if you like kissing kittens, puppies running through fields, tire swings, kites and balloons. (And if you don't like those things, you must be some kind of monster.)

    [thanks, Scout.]

    what i think about the olympics
    hate em.
    02.15.02 Non Broadcasting Time Seoul
    Photos of a television studio at Korea's EBS network. Photographed and then remixed for the web by Takuji Kogo (aka Candy Factory).

    also: Non Broadcasting Time Yamaguchi.