USA: whoop whoop.

01.16.02 Hilarious House of Frightenstein
Early 1970s crazy Canadian Kids' comedy show starring the Crowned King of Creepy himself, Mr. Vincent Price, accompanied by a cast of curious characters:

  • Igor
  • Wolfman
  • a librarian
  • the maharaja
  • superhippy
  • more
  • and even more.

    [thanks, lil' fishstick.]

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    another frightenstein site
    this one has more information, a decent Vincent Price anecdote, and some audio files.

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    always funny. comic geniuses, these guys. they have a movie coming out that will probably be good. and i'm sure you know all of this already.

    also Mr Show is coming out on DVD. holy crap. i'm excited about that and i don't even have a DVD player. (I get excited about DVDs because they're shiny.)

    So to recap: Bob.... David... Funny.
  • planning a big night
    the woman in front of me at Rite Aid purchased the following:
    • large bag of peanut M&Ms
    • large bag of fun size Snickers
    • vodka
    • band aids
    • Summer's Eve
    am I in LA or Korea?
    people keep emailing me and asking me that. also when i meet people face to face, they sometimes ask that.

    I am in LA. I was in Korea for like a week. So, get it through your thick skulls, people! I am in LA.

    Ha, just kidding about the thick skulls. Because really, your skulls are thin. Extremely thin and brittle. Take care of those thin, brittle eggshell skulls of yours. I worry about you. And your fragile skull.
    01.15.02 star wars shoes

    [thank you, Pete, Esquire.]
    my favorite guy
    while driving, i was stopped at a red light in hollywood. a guy in a motorcycle passed me in the right-turn lane. he had one of those huge blocky motorcycles, and his stereo was blaring.

    when i looked over at him, i noticed that his entire motorcycle was covered with gray duct tape. i was trying to figure out why someone would do that to their motorcycle, when i realized that it wasn't a motorcycle at all. it was just a bicycle. he had fashioned his little bicycle into the shape of a big motorcycle with the help of duct tape and joie de vivre and maybe cardboard.

    since moving to LA, that's my favorite guy.
    2 quotes from yesterday's Wall Street Journal
    "DaimlerChrysler AG's retro PT Cruiser was supposed to attract youthful buyers, but instead has become a Baby Boomer icon."

    Who was the genius at Chrysler who thought the PT Cruiser would appeal to "youthful buyers?"

    We may never know who it was, but we can be sure of one thing. That person is old.

    Don't they usually do market research on cars? Because I'm pretty sure that PT Cruiser research among "youthful buyers" would turn up words like "dorky."

    Okay. Here's the second quote.

    U.S. Trade Representative spokesman, Richard Mills: "'...Mexico must end this discriminatory treatment of soft drinks made with corn syrup."
    01.13.02 LIberace, patriot
    don't you wish you loved america as much as this?

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    from Remember McSweeney's? When was the last time you spent a little time with McSweeney's? A week? Two weeks? A month? More? Me too. Now is the time to get reacquainted with by reading about the Death Star's trash compactor.

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    T.V. Horror Host Gallery
    a vast and glorious collection of photos and video captures chronicling the dying art of the late night low-budget mostly-local television horror show host.

    I especially like Fritz the Night Owl. i need some of those night owl glasses.

    I'm also really into Cleveland's Ghoulardi, who has a touch of beatnik to his character. And Chicago's Svengoolie, who's a little bit hippie, at least in these photos.

    Also, who would have guessed that The Big Chuck and Lil' John show out of Cleveland, is America's longest running local TV program.

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    The beautiful life mask of John Zacherly
    Now only $50.

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    pictures of The Bone Jangler
    I like this caption from the bottom picture:

    "From the left: Nocturna, THE BONE JANGLER, A. Ghastlee Ghoul, Son of Ghoul, Kapoosta Queen, Dr. Creep, and... Bob Ferguson..."

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    Chiller Cinema pictures
    Chiller Cinema presents the burning of Bigmouth Billy Bass.

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    Ghoulardi at the Cuyahoga Falls Little League Parade circa May, 1964

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    The Son of Ghoul photo album

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    Dr. Shock and Dingbat Newspaper article. Great picture.

    01.10.02 Langley Schools Music Project
    The Langley Schools Music Project is a 60-voice chorus of rural school children from western Canada, untrained but captivated by melodic magic, singing tunes by the Beach Boys, Paul McCartney, David Bowie, The Bay City Rollers, and others."

    The music was recorded in a school gym in 1976 and 1977, by Hans Fenger, a music teacher with no training or experience as a music teacher, and then pressed into 350 records, which were given to the school kids. These were eventually rediscovered by Irwin Chusid, host of WFMU's Incorrect Music Hour and rereleased as a CD.

    The day it was released, the CD was the number one seller on Amazon. And when you listen to the recordings, it's easy to see why--they're really amazing. Their Space Oddity will give you chills. And dig Sheila Behman's amazing melancholy Desperado solo.

    Here's a New York Times article about outsider music that mentions the album, as well as The Shaggs.

    NPR's Weekend Edition did a really great interview (realaudio) with Hans Fenger, the music teacher who directed the children. And here's an interview from WNYC with Irwin Chusid about it.

    Audiogalaxy has the Langley Schools Music Project. And/or, if you're one of those people who still buys CDs, you might want to know that the European release has 2 extra tracks.

    [thanks, Joel.]

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    frog alphabet & tadpole numbers
    and also some strange illustrations.
    Lainie Kazan's Driveway
    We got a washer and dryer the other day. I had to go to the guy's house and pick them up. (Actually, I paid a man named Carlos to do the actual "picking up.") And after the machines were loaded into the rental van, the van wouldn't start. And then a neighbor parked behind the van came out--an older woman with a taut face and tight curly gray hair. She announced, "You have to move that," gesturing at the van.

    I said that if we couldn't get it started, that we could push it. She told us we'd better start pushing because she needs to get out NOW. She made some other bitchy comments, but to be fair she also said she had an appointment with her cardiologist, which is a pretty reasonable reason to be in a hurry. (But still, please be less bitchy, ma'am.) Then she said, "you can move it into that driveway there, so I can get out. That's Lainie Kazan's driveway."

    So my question to you is, does Lainie Kazan's driveway count as a celebrity sighting?

    You'll be glad to know that I'm mostly sparing you my ever-growing list of LA celebrity spottings, but I wanted to tell you about this one because I thought there was something kind of funny about the idea of Lainie Kazan's driveway. (The idea is funny, however there is nothing funny about the driveway, itself.)

    01.09.02 frog alphabet & tadpole numbers farklepimp
    you might think that playing a semi-complicated dice game on the internet is a dorky way to pass the time, but you'd be way wrong. farkle rules. i'm all about farkle, lately. it's my favorite new time waster. people have started calling me "uncle farkle" and "papa farkle" and "farklepuss" because i'm playing it so much.

    you'll like it too, i'll betcha. try it out. and tell em, farklepuss sent ya.

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    whimsyland crabb jumpers
    you know what else is fun, besides farkle? whimsyland crabb-jumpers. give em a whirl.

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    Todd Barry vs Louis CK on alt.comedy.standup
    stand up comics in mock mockery battle thread.

    01.06.02 grain warning

    [thanks, scout.]

    01.05.02 glorious freaky japanese birdman shockwave movies
    These are really weird. Here's the index for all 10 of them, but these 4 are my favorites:
    • vol 02 (warning: spoiler) a hairpiece is mistaken for a UFO.
    • vol 03 i'm not sure what's going on here.
    • vol 10 Quick, simple, and brilliantly edited. vol 10 is the one to watch if you're only watching one.
    • vol 05 big birds, little birds. this one's extra weird.
    if you want more birdman, there's also this index of birdman manga, but unless you're already somehow a huge birdman fan, probably you'll need to be able to read japanese to enjoy it.
    the word racquetball was added to the english language in 1968.
    Jesus Christ, Junior
    I was thinking that a good name for a baby boy might be Jesus Christ, Junior. It would be a great conversation piece.

    With all the pressure of a name like that, Jesus Christ, Junior definitely couldn't grow up to be normal. He'd have to be especially good or especially evil.

    Luckily, the name works really well in either case.

    And since it can be sad for parents when their children grow up evil, maybe they could find comfort, knowing that the evil one is named Jesus Christ, Junior.

    Anyway, it would be interesting to see what would happen. I'm curious. If someone reading this decides to try it, please let me know how it goes.

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    Jesus Christ, Junior High
    P.S. I just did a search for "Jesus Christ, Junior" and the first result was actually something about "Jesus Christ, Junior High" which that's a really great idea too. Someone should write a series of teen romance novels that take place at a high school (or junior high school) attended by Jesus.

    We don't know enough about Jesus' high school days. Did he play football? Was he a geek? Was he a teacher's pet or a class clown? Did he heal lepers between classes? Did he ever get detention or was his dad able to pull strings and get him out of it? Who knows? But wouldn't everyone love to find out!

    Move over Sweet Valley High, there's a new student enrolled this year, and his name is Christ. Jesus Christ!

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    P.P.S. It just occured to me that if Jesus wore one of "WWJD: What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets, his could just say, "WWID: What Would I Do?"

    Which, even if you're not Jesus, "WWID: What Would I Do?" would be kind of a cool bracelet to have.
    fun korean flash site advertising fruit-flavored drinks. you'll like this tv ad if you have Windows Media Player. this one too.

    in the first commercial, a young man on a bicycle declines the enticements of the three fruit girls, who then attack him with delicious fruit beverage, i guess.

    the second is mostly about dancing, UFOs and an alien.

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    bob hope
    US warships are being menaced by the enormous disembodied spirit of legendary funnyman, Bob Hope.

    [thank you, Scout.]

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    greenland tourism page. i'm not so into the page aside from the mysterious line: "Your mouse is the sledge."

    [via Mimi.]
    while i was in korea, i was watching tv in my hotel room one night. and one of the channels was the Armed Forces Network, which was showing David Letterman. And instead of commercials, they were showing special armed forces public service announcements.

    The best one was about a guy at a desk who had written "racquetball" in his day planner. We see him there at his desk, nodding in agreement to his dayplanner. Then we cut to a shot of him playing racquetball. It ended with this message:

    "Reduce stress in your day. Schedule leisure activities."

    There's no need to try to turn a clever phrase or make it into something catchy. Just tell it like it is. The Armed Forces Network doesn't mess around.
    Xarxa is the Catalan word for Internet.
    12.21.01 Office Ball Chair
    crazy nonsense chair, $375. no thank you, sir.
    fast food restaurant in seoul that i saw
    "donky fried chicken"

    12.20.01 Felix Silla
    What a fantastic resume this actor has. He played the sassy robot, Twiki, on Buck Rogers; an ewok; and Cousin It.

    oh, and speaking of Buck Rogers, this is cool--elsewhere you can watch an episode of Buck Rogers in realplayer format. Jack Palance is in it.

    p.s. here's Buck Rogers with space pants and space boots, but no space shirt.

    [Thanks, John.]

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    Japanese Panasonic Flash commercials based around the theme, Hi-Ho.

    If you watch them all, you'll get the Hi-Ho song stuck in your head something fierce.

    [Thanks, Nikki.]

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    tom the dancing bug
    the bug has been pretty good lately. i like this one and this one too.
    Seoul rent
    check this out: here's how you rent an apartment in Seoul. (And maybe all of South Korea, I'm not sure.)

    In order to move in, you give the landlord a lump sum--for an average apartment, something like $30,000 or $40,000. All at once. Boom! Obviously a lot more for fancy places, less for crummy ones.

    Then you move in and you don't have to pay rent. Once you've paid the move-in fee, that's it. I guess the idea is that your landlord invests the money very aggressively.

    And when you move out, you get all your money back.

    sexy photos
    Wouldn't it be great to receive hot, sexy photos of yourself? That's right! We'll send you sexy photos of you, yourself! We'll deliver one a week, for ten weeks, right to your post office box, each one hotter, steamier, and sexier than the last!

    Totally explicit! Totally nude! Totally rude, raunchy and lewd! That's you!

    Just send your name, address, $9.95, and verification that you are over 18 years of age, to receive the sexiest pictures of you that you've ever seen!

    [Shoutout to Pia. Yo.]
    12.18.01 Miss Dominion of Canada, 1964
    Mostly noted for the mountie outfit. But the article seems promising, if only because the prose is so lovingly overwrought:

    "The announcement comes. Calgary is second. She smiles, exhales deeply. Quebec City cheers. Newfoundland and Labrador claps once. Nova Scotia rolls her eyes. Sherbrooke glares venomously. Laval clutches her throat and laughs The title is hers."
    more korea entries are certain to trickle in, but i first need to find my little pink notebook that i took all my notes in.

    In the meantime I'll give you this tidbit: 25% of Korea is Christian. And the few people who mentioned Jesus to me pronounced his name like this: "Jejus." (There's no "z" sound in Korean.) So, for example, at the Jdreamer Christian store: "Oh my god. I'm sorry. We're out of Jejus calendars."

    12.15.01 tragicomic childhood Cheap Trick anecdote
    "Terre Thaemlitz's heroes become zeroes after a mid-air collision with American nerds Cheap Trick"

    [thank you, José]
    Korean pizza
    i figured that i had to try korean pizza at least once. but i figured wrong. at the little cafe/pizzeria where i tried it, their "mixed pizza" came with chopped up sweet pickles in it.

    speaking of pizza, here's the current promotional campaign running at Korean Pizza Huts:


    Intremo comes with hotdog or crab baked in the crust.

    Here's a better picture.

    Pretty much all the conventional Korean food that I had was excellent. So I guess the lesson I learned is: when in Korea, stick to kimchi and bibimbap. (Isn't that the best food name? Bibimbap! "Bibimbap!" could be the word that flies out when Batman socks a bad guy in the jaw.)

    oh yeah, here you can also maybe see 2 Korean Pizza Hut ads in Windows Media Player format:
  • Intremo ad
  • Pizza Extreme ad

    I never managed to get the Pizza Extreme ad to play properly, but it sounded interesting. The Intremo ad explains the concept, but isn't of much interest aside from that. So, don't bother if you have a slow connection.

  • 12.13.01
    Christianity just got cuter.

    Jdreamer makes the most adorable little Jesus you ever saw. Sometimes, when he's feeling sassy, Jesus winks. Sometimes, when he has to wear a crown of thorns, he says, "ooh!" And sometimes he winks AND says "ooh" to tell you that he loves you.

    To understand the motive behind this glorious tribute to the lord, check out the Jdreamer company info:

    " ...these days, a character is no longer just an image but a living entity.... characters are now being developed that cater to unorthordox and often deviant tastes... with blatant disregard to the standards of beauty and common decency. Furthermore, Christian values and morals are now being eroded as many of these characters gain popularity.... In an urgent need to provide children with sound alternatives to the commercially ingrained icons of today, Jdreamer has developed characters based on the great ancestors of our faith from the Bible.... These lovable and friendly Bible characters will approach our new generations with an ease and friendship that will open their hearts while installing biblical instruction in their minds...."

    You can probably imagine how excited I was to find the Jdreamer Christian Shop in Seoul. And you can probably also imagine how surprised I was to be asked, "Do you believe in the Lord?" by the sales clerk.

    A lot of the Jesus products were sold out. Because Jesus is the best. Or at least way better than Zacchaeus.

    They said that they'll be opening a store in New York next year. When they do, here are just a few of the many Jdreamer products to look forward to: and, finally, before you run off, maybe also check out the Jdreamer flash movies.

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    Het prinsenpaar van C.V. de Kalfskoppen
    and I would be a fool if i did not also mention Boerenblaaskapel de "Krotenzaaiers".

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    "It is hard enough to paint, but Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson on an egg, WOW. True tallent."

    also, scroll down to see an R2D2 ostrich egg talking clock. swear to god, it's an R2D2 ostrich egg talking clock. holy crap.

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    Fabio covers
    courtesy of the Fabio International Fan Club, here are a ton of book covers featuring Fabio, plus covers of books written by Fabio. I wish I was as good a writer as I imagine Fabio must be.

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    And the award for best-named boy band anywhere on the planet goes to G.O.D. of Korea.

    By the way, don't say, "god." Say "jee oh dee." If you say, "god" everyone will know you're out of touch and unhip.
    fake Korean Starbuckses
    Seoul has Starbucks but also a ton of Starbucks ripoffs. Most of them have similar logos, typography and color schemes to Starbucks. The four that I remember are:

    Prowstar even has an American-style message on the side of their paper cups:

    "Warning: contents may be hot."
    Dick van Dyke is 76 today. Ted Nugent is 53. Happy birthday Dick and Nuge!