02.15.01 "Escape with Duct Tape" online catalog
Entrepeneurs, Ambr and Kazi make apparel and accessories out of duct tape.

Here's the FAQ.

I want Ambr and Kazi on the cover of Business 2.0 or Fast Company or whatever. I want them to be the next rags-to-riches dot-com biz success story. (Not a rags-to-riches-to-rags-again success/failure story either, but a gen-u-ine r-t-r SUCCESS!)

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All your base are belong to us Awesome flash animation.

Videogame narrative turns into cheesey techno while the theme gets hammered into your head by an endless barrage of photos. Or something.

oh, a google search for "all your base are belong to us" is kind of entertaining too, in a irc/gamer in-joke way, anyway. Like this message board on Miss Jessup's Jesus Is Lord Escort Service Presents: Full Gospel Ranch Cafe.

[Thanks Sam.]

02.14.01 celebriducks
Celebrity rubber ducks.

"Dear Friend,
Thank you for your interest in our line of original collectible celebrity bath ducks. It has been so gratifying to feel the tremendous response of thousands of people who have been so delighted by our little bath quackers."

i love that last line. i want to try to use it in an unrelated thank you letter.

Thanks for the great Christmas socks. They're super warm! It has been gratifying to feel the tremendous response of thousands of people who have been so delighted by our little bath quackers.


Thank you for offering to donate your kidney. It sure will come in handy! It has been gratifying to feel the tremendous response of thousands of people who have been so delighted by our little bath quackers.

Now it's time for me to tell you some things that i like about Celebriducks
  • they're all classic celebrities--Mae West, Groucho, Babe Ruth, etc. None of those newfangled "celebs."
  • They're Celebriducks "for the Connoiseur," as if that needs to be said.
  • They've taken the time to do a huge bio with tons of info on each celebrity. I wonder if that helps make the sale. Like I might be on the fence about buying a Mae West duck but after I read 100 quotes by Ms. West--sold!
  • They're only $9.99.
  • I kind of want one. And I never ever want stuff like this. Mostly I try to get rid of stuff like this.
  • They look like they're actually well-made, thoughtful rubber-duck-shaped celebrity caricatures.
[Thanks E.B.A.]

02.13.01 jpopstop.com
j-pop shoutcast streaming audio. It's almost just like being in a Japanese supermarket, or store, or anywhere in Japan really, except that you can turn jpopstop off when you get sick of it. which you will, but still, fun! fun! pop! fun!

[via jimwich]

02.12.01 young, mean and funny
weird drawing portfolio of Youngmean Kang.

[thank you, sgt. spacebooty.]

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Ginseng Girl
"Anyone who eat Ginseng in her vagina can enjoy sex much more powerfully."

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what's that you're asking for? more korean internet art? okay, one more. here's hoonida. you'll like hoonida.

02.10.01 The Beauty of Vending
Another good vending video. Dave is going to show you how to successfully start a vending business.

Vending IS beautiful.

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eBay: Vintage Kotex Vending Machine. It's The Bomb!!!

02.09.01 Vending Intelligence CD Vending machine
Great sales video.

"The Brainyvend 2000, a fully-automated computer-driven vending device... a completely self-contained, self-secure, and self-managing local store.

This is how it works: the customer approaches the Brainyvend 2000 attracted irresistably by its colorful appearance, flickering light display, and the images on its video screen.

The customer looks to the computer screen to receive instructions...

At this point, the customer enters a state of hypnotic retail bliss..."

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Jun commercial
by imaginary forces. film-o-typ-o-graph-i-delic. cool.

here are other Jun commercials. high-fashiony hoo-ha.

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Left Behind, the movie
i totally want to see this, mostly just to see what a Christian movie with a budget of $17-million might look like. particularly one that stars Kirk Cameron. (It didn't occur to me that he was relgious, but then again, it probably would have if I'd paid more attention to him and his hair.)

Oh, and oh oh oh! The Van Impes are listed as cast members!

watch all the trailers and clips and whatnot that your bandwidth will allow.

i'm planning a huge party for the day of the rapture. you're all invited.

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RealPlayer video of another Christian apocalypse movie...starring MR. T!

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The people who brought you the Fat Boys are pleased to present, the yobots: IBD1-4U, BARRYMORE, LAZERIA, HI-TEX and CRANK.

watch the videos.

learn boTsPeAk.

Yobots! Where were you in 1985 when the world needed you?

[thanks, Sarah and also Leslie and also the Yobots themselves. Word.]

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The Guide Horse Foundation
lots of pictures of little guide horses, which you will like. the best is Horses in Your House: "Just like people, miniature horses can snore and drool when sleeping."

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PETA cats ad
cat puppets. humping.

and everyone already knows PETA's singing cows that were banned from the Superbowl, right?

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chimp on a horse
oh yeah, this is why i was at ad critic, before i got distracted by the cat puppets.

how did they make the chimp cry?

02.08.01 pictures of Mario, Luigi, and Princess Toadstool
I've written a story using only the picture names:

Mario's mad.
Luigi is jumping.
Luigi is happy.
Luigi waves.
Mario waves.
Mario is hugging Luigi.
Happy Mario.
The End.

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i am the boss of you posters

[via metafilter, i think.]

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Pop Will Eat Itself sample list
Remember PWEI? Remember sampling?

02.07.01 college football cereal
Show allegiance to your team by shoveling down mouthfuls of cereal which is no doubt terrible, and identical in every way except for the name of the sports team on the box.

Not that i'd necessarily want the ingredients of the cereal to actually relate to the teams.
  • Aubie Flakes
  • Boomer Sooners
  • Cornhuskers Crunch
  • Crimson Crunch
  • Hog 'Ems
  • Maize 'N Blue
thank you for making these. they are dumb. thank you.

[by way of a link off of cardhouse. ahhh, cardhouse.]

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japanese queen cover band. The Japanese Freddie Mercury lookalike rules bigtime.

their songs sound fairly close too. i mean, a diehard Queen fan would probably disagree with me. And i don't want to get into a fight with such a fan, particularly not a fight involving broken Snapple bottles or billy clubs or ferocious animals used as weapons.

[thx, xina!]

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top secret masonic clip art
super handy if you need something fun and visual to spice up your newsletter about overthrowing a nation-state or manipulating global currency markets, etc..

especially this. but certainly this as well.

q: what is misterpants?
a: misterpants is a steamed potato, wrapped in newspaper, waiting for you as you get off the train on your way home from work.
02.06.01 top secret masonic clip art
especially this. but certainly this as well.

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mr. takahashi
i've been a fan of mr. takahashi for a while. now he has an explanation in english, and it's awesome.

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rod roddy bio on cbs.com
reprint of an interview with Rod Roddy, emcee of The Price is Right (TPiR).

Roddy was on Nixon's enemies list.

oh, and this is great: in this article, the speaking bit Roddy does at the beginning of the show is exactly, EXACTLY the same as when I sat in the audience for TPiR.

also great: Rod Roddy doing nude radio and that people have the time and energy to get upset about nude radio.

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Bob Barker's interview is interesting too.

and also, here's a list of games on TPiR
awesome. plinko!

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best "under construction" sign

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ass pennies
i need cable tv, i think. holy crap, this is good. it's a bit from Comedy Central's Upright Citizens' Brigade.

[via simcoe, which i love for links that are usually nothing like this.]

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bling bling: what's a pound worth?
truffles: $1313,55
gold: $6587.60
heroin: $38,000.00

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japanese horse-race themed toilet paper dipenser
lately seems like everywhere i look there's another japanese horse-race-themed toilet paper dispenser.

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rotodesign fonts
dear rotodesign, your fonts are nice. thank you.


p.s. i also like your library of thrilling crime novels and assorted pulp.
foods that start with the letter P
Sunday i ate too much Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. Monday I ate too many prunes. Today I ate too many pretzels.

Tomorrow I will eat too much pizza or maybe too many pitas or maybe too much Pez.

"What do you get the person who has everything? Why, a sculpture of a half-eaten runaway fish, of course!"

[tikifish, you slay me.]

(p.s. i am still in hiding. shh.)

01.24.01 hello darlings,

i'm still really busy organizing my commemorative plates, so this page will remain in its state of neglect for the next week or so. but please do enjoy the following links kindly submitted by my good friend, Owls McGee.


p.s. did you see our stupid new president's stupid new boots? Big boots for stomping through our national parks in search of oil. OIL!

[thanks, Steev.]

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the following are from Owls McGee:

ouchy the clown
Not only an S&M Fetishist DJ for your Gothic Rave, but he's also a Clown. And not only an S&M Fetishist Clown DJ, he's also a Meeting Facilitator!

[via daily radar]

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Crazy Ivan is I guess kind of like those guys in the '80s who did late night UHF infomercials; only he sells t-shirts. He sells t-shirts that are the standardy t-shirts you see when you go to the beach. Only thing is, is these are all in Russian and extolling Capitalism. Because Capitalism is pretty punk rock in the former Soviet Union!

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Just type in something you want to find, and it comes back with pages and pages of links on the subject! No more notecards and complicated filing system for Owls B McGee, thats for God Damned Sure!

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21st century radio
Fascinating call for Anecdotes about Livestock that won't eat, written quite passionately, and with a conspiracy-themed background graphic.

"Tell us more about the hogs that wouldn't eat the ration when the GMO crops were included. About the farmer who said ' Well, if you want your cattle to go off their feed, just switch them out to a GMO silage.'" Yes! Tell us more!

guest columnist Owls McGee speaks
Hello friends. Mister Pants is a bit preoccupied this week, so he told me, his good friend, Owls McGee, to come in and clean the house while he's gone. Lucky for you, I've decided to pop open some chips and root beer, put my feet up on the coffee table and have a big roaring party at his house, the way roaring parties are supposed to be. Who can roar the loudest, and wake up the neighbors?

I have a great party trick, too, being an Owl and all. I'll eat a live field mouse, and then rotate my head 360 degrees!
01.02.01 Pink Lady article in Grand Royal
by mister pants!

Here's an article I wrote for Grand Royal about the '70s Japanese pop group, Pink Lady. The article just came out yesterday and I'm really excited about it.

I'm kind of a crummy writer, but Ms. Mary Chen, Grand Royal's editor, did an excellent job of reworking my bad prose into something decent and lovely.

Seriously, do check out the article because I put a lot of work (and love!) into it and also because I think Pink Lady's tale is a super interesting one with a lesson for all of us. Their story is worthy of a movie, or TV movie at least.

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space cardinal

[thanks, Scout!]

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Santo poster gallery
in my next life i have to remember to be Santo.

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madeline albright & colin powell "boogying"
Click on "today's show" to see Sam Donaldson introduce a weird video ad that Madeline Albright did for the UN refugee campaign, where she dances to Aretha Franklin. So weird.
awesome conversation overheard in a noodle restaurant
"...when I was working there, she yelled at me in the back room. Finally, I realized that our whole relationship was based on her being the high priestess."

then later:

"She put a hex on me!"