The Hitman
(28.5Mb, QT) If you can handle the massive download, please do us both a favor and watch this funny short film by Ruben Fleischer, starring Mary Lyn Rajskub and Paul F. Tompkins.

Ms. Rajskub is one of those people who's funny even just standing there. Paul F. Tompkins is very funny as well, but in a different way. Also, he wears suits.

At the very least, stick with it through to the part where prices for the hitman services are listed. Bang Bang
(~10Mb, MPEG) Here's a Bollywood dance routine revolving around a Hindi cover of The Buggle's "Video Killed the Radio Star". That's enough of a reason to watch it, right? The clip also happens to be a swansong of sorts for Turbanhead. Seattle library 20-picture slideshow
Rem Koolhaas arranged for the new downtown Seattle library to be beamed to us from the future. It's the building where the humans who survive The Great Robot Wars will meet to plan their revolt against their mechanical masters. Cha Cha Charming Magazine
Cha Cha Charming is "a journalistic tribute to girl-powered pop--past, present, and future, and from all over the globe."

Formerly a print magazine, now web, but still print-calibre (if "print-calibre" actually means anything). It's good and fun and friendly--like a field of girl-pop-scented daisies for you to roll around in. Big John, Little John
Short-lived Saturday morning live-action TV show from the 1970s, executive-produced by Sherwood Schwartz.

Mainly I want to direct you to opening theme song and explanatory montage (realplayer, ~360k). That file is hosted by Tripod, so is likely to be trampled to smithereens from too much foot traffic. For that reason, I've taken the liberty of mirroring the intro here. metascene
The much-enjoyed but lately-AWOL metascene recently resurfaced to delight us with such goodies as Deerhoof MP3s and Bob Odenkirk on what went wrong with Run, Ronnie, Run. How Unicorns Hanglide.jpg
When 3D-rendered unicorn and dragon art is outlawed, only outlaws will make 3D-rendered unicorn and dragon art.

[Thanks, Jason] Demetri Martin's Weeklong Journal
Mr. Martin is a stand-up comic and writer for the Conan O'Brien show. Not surprisingly, his weeklong diary is hilarious. Here is an excerpt about moustaches:

"During the moustache phases, when I ran into someone I would think: "Act like the moustache is normal for you. Be a moustache guy. Don't talk about it." But the moustache felt like a friend I had to introduce. A dark, unattractive friend who would often tell people what I ate earlier that day..."

[thanks, José]

muu
Icelandic milk campaign: specifically, you should watch the this video clip (QT, 2.1Mb). Afterwards it will be 1985 and you will be thirsty for Icelandic milk.

[via rainy monday in reykjavík]

the used bee biz
I'm shipping something to Canada, so I was looking at the rules about doing that, and one item that you are not allowed to ship to Canada is: "Used or secondhand hives or bee supplies."

I love that so much.

"Secondhand bee supplies" makes me think of secondhand bees. And that makes me laugh out loud because it make me draw a mental picture of old, drunk, worn-out cartoon bees. Tired bees. Too lazy to buzz.

Who would try to ship those pathetic used-up bees to Canada? American scam artists, of course. The same anti-social losers that send you and me all those spam emails are also busy trying to make a quick buck in the used bee biz.

And the used bee biz is useless. Hustling buzzless bees, too bruised and boozy to please even the most-blaisé beekeeper. Please, bees, be busy! Buzz!

Sometimes entries in this column will just disintegrate into tongue-twisters.

blurred buttcracks -or- America is awesome
TV news shows grisly awful pictures of people being tortured. And when they show these pictures, they blur the buttcracks of the torture victims.

BECAUSE BUTTCRACKS ARE SO GROSS!!! OH MY GOD!

So yeah, show the guy about to be attacked by dogs, show the creepy image of the hooded man with electrical wires clamped to him, show the terrified humiliated naked men piled atop one another--but for God's sake when you do show those things, do not show their bottoms. Or their genitals! That would be an outrage.

Remember how upsetting it was for everyone to see Janet Jackson's nipple covered with electrical tape for a fraction of a second? Or when Bono said the f-word? The FCC had to tighten the rules against dirty words. And boobs.

And that really helped a lot, made America way better. Safer.

Because, unlike pictures of hateful, evil, creepy sexual prison torture--seeing a boob will totally scar a kid for life.

So I just wanted to thank America for being so awesome about its weird puritanical fear of parts of naked bodies while broadcasting images of torture everywhere.

kiiiiiii
IIIIIII liiiiiike kiiiiii.

You can download their mp3s and pour that good weird lo-fi fun art pop kiiiiii-y goodness into your earholes to find out whether or not you like kiiiiiii too.

Also clicking through their gallery will simply make you happy.

misterpants.com call and response

What are we going to do?

Rock it!

How are we going to rock it?

Intermittently!