George W. Bush has no bottom lip. I've been staring at a picture of him for about an hour, trying to figure out what's creepy about his appearance aside from the sheen of spoiled wealthy conservative smugness. he has no bottom lip. i have no top lip, which i think is better. but of course i'm biased. and i suppose either is probably preferable to no lips at all.

how does that thing go? "i pitied myself for i had but one lip until i met a man with no lips at all."
06.30.99 photovault: bad hair day
"images from our stock photo collection of Pictures of People having a Bad Hair Day."

finder's credit: Lisa Seaman, good friend of Jpeg, the dog.

06.29.99 7th Heaven episode guide
plot summaries from the show featuring the whitest people on TV. Are they even whiter than the cast of Friends? Yes, even whiter. And Christian. Very very Christian.

from Girls Just want to have fun: "Lucy dons makeup and a revealing wardrobe to meet guys at the mall..."

and from Like a Harlot: "...Simon is uncomfortable after viewing a school film on the facts of life..."

plus here's a photo gallery. the first time i looked at the gallery, this richard simmons ad was at the top and the Richard Simmons/7th Heaven combination overwhelmed me.

oh, and good lord, do not miss the message board.

man, the fun does not stop on this site. i always knew that the theme song rocked, but i never knew why. turns out, the lead singer from the 80s hard rock band, Autograph, sings it. "7th Heaven, mmmmm 7th Heaven".

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Woo Woooo!
"The Official 'Woo Woooo!' Website (tm): The only AUTHENTIC Trademarked 'Woo Woooo!' Products Available on the Internet"

I like that they don't even bother to put up a picture of the woo woooo shirt. I guess when the sentiment behind it is this profound, there's no need to get hung up on appearance. Besides, someone who would put up a website marketing t-shirts that say "woo-woooo!" is clearly not a person who's just out to make a quick buck. This person respects their patrons too much for that. This is someone with attention to detail and concern for quality.

"Everyone Loves to 'WOO WOOOO!' Sports Fans, Students, Hotties, Young, Old, EVERYBODY loves to "Woo Woooo!". Life is good when you 'Woo Woooo'....'Woo Woooo!' is magical."

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Pikachu iMac

06.28.99 spoof boy scout patches
great gift ideas for that funny little boy scout in your life.

who can resist a scout gag gift? certainly not this guy.

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Gothic Martha Stewart
"This site sprung from the hypothetical question: 'What if Martha Stewart was a goth?'"

I didn't really look at the whole thing, but what i saw was funny and I'm completely in love with the concept. i like this handy categorization of Gothic sub-types:
  • Victorian
  • Medieval
  • Techno-Modern
  • Cemetery
  • Fairy
  • Asian
  • Egyptian
  • Punk DIY
good to know.

also, it really cracks me up that Cost Plus and Pier 1 are listed as places to shop for goth merchandise. (if i had a tv show, there would be a whole episode about Goths going to Pier 1; they'd buy some candles, agonize over buying something made of wicker, and then write poems about it. maybe every episode of my show would end with the Goths writing poems.)

i found Gothic Martha from a link on, which i also enjoyed. it's a sharp-looking personal site by an aspiring tattoo artist. very smart. she wrote to me and also linked to misterpants. see? smart! and she has this great message to stalkers.

i like the taste of Tums. you don't have to have acid indigestion to enjoy the assorted fruit flavors. and 5 Tums tablets provide a full day's US RDA of Calcium!

it says on the package that you shouldn't eat more than 16 tablets in one 24-hour period. i found out yesterday that eating just 10 tablets kills any desire to go for the whole 16. if you can imagine eating a couple sticks of chalk, that's what eating 10 Tums is like.

the active ingredient in Tums is Calcium Carbonate, which also happens to be the active ingredient in chalk.

06.25.99POP O MATIC
"Anyone can be a pop artist with the POP-O-MATIC! I provide the raw materials and the tool, you provide the irony and context. It's as simple as that."

there's other good stuff at Josef Szuec's, like an art gallery featuring 28 pages from a scrapbook found in an antique collective.

Elsewhere on the web, Szuecs made really cool-looking art by letting metal rust on paper.

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mystery machine!

your professional balloon artist fantasies can become reality. "FANTASY EVENT PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS 'CRUISING & BALLOONING'. For $600-$999, you can spend 5 fabulous days at sea with balloon experts and other balloon enthusiasts.

"Over 45 Courses Taught by Some of the Top Names in the Balloon Industry"

"CBA (Certified Balloon Artist) Exam will be administered onboard"

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Ballooniverse Millenium celebration
say what you will about the balloon arts. these CBA-certified balloonists are planning some exciting ideas for the millenium. Dig, if you will, asteroids. And the dome.

member of the Carolinas Qualatex Balloon Network.

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Larry Ross' balloon art collection
surely one of the greatest balloon art collections available for public viewing. marvel at the mighty balloonasaur. feast your eyes on the jester outfit made from balloons. stop and ponder Bill Clinton holding an enormous yellow penis a saxaphone. and much more!!!
my idea for a new motto for my bank: "Don't waste our time with your chump change, chump."

this is annoying. i tried to take 2 years worth of saved-up pocket change to my bank yesterday. at the teller window, i could see the little change-sorting machine back there, but i was told that they can't accept my coins unless they're in rolls and that for some reason the machine can't roll them for me--i have to do it myself. they gave me coin-rolling papers and i put $45 worth of coins into rolls. That took a while.

then i went back to the teller. (who, by the way, was wearing gold nail polish, which i think is a bad choice for someone who works at a bank. i'm pretty sure that having gold nails means she's way too into the money aspect of banking. if i was the bank manager, i'd keep my eye on that one. obviously, with those nails, she's greedy.) i presented her with my rolled coins and tried to deposit them, but it turns out that my bank will only begrudgingly accept money when it's in coin form. She informed me that they would have to charge me 15 cents a roll for accepting my change. A roll of pennies is 50 cents, so they only give 70 cents on the dollar for pennies. the teller acted like i was crazy that i didn't get it. "but you're a bank? it's money, right?"

finally, she agreed to not charge me this time. i think that's annoying too, that it is possible to forego the spurious charge, but only as a special bonus if you complain loudly and persistently enough.


06.23.99 chic she-wigs
"The best source for all your wig needs."

The first page of wigs is okay. here we get wigs with names like Desiree, Temptress, Glamour, and Radiance. The photographs are from the shoulders up, but it looks like some of the wig models are naked except for their wigs. You know that's a good time. i don't mind saying that i'm naked right now except for my wig, a dark auburn jet-about as seen on the more wigs page.

finally, there's the queen caps. If you visit this page, the first thing you'll notice is that these aren't caps at all, but are in fact even more wigs: Duchess, Ladycharm, Sunbeam.

Someday, i'd like to get a job as a wig-namer. i'm already thinking of some good wig names: Diabolique, Le Hair, and Bass Fishin'. i hope those aren't already taken.

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Dutch site with a shockwave movie featuring all our favorite cursor icons in brilliant little stories--very clever. i found it from which is an Austrian weblog, i think. (Oh yeah, it's in German.)

06.21.99 Gilly's Auto Wreckers
lots of pictures here--pictures of cool junky old cars (some with amateur models posing next to them), and not-so junky old cars, pictures of dogs and cats and a squirrel(!!!), pictures of the Gilly's staff members.

oh yeah, and THE CRUSHER! c'mon you turkey necks! It's...THE CRUSHER!!!

plus some thoughts on life from an auto-wrecker perspective. for example, "HOW WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS: It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman...." and HOW MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS: "Men don't eat turds on the sly."