06.18.99 Otaku Patrol Group
Goth HAM radio enthusiasts. these guys have it all: numeric code names, black jackets, and gear, gear, gear. they get to use lots of fun military jargon--"meetings at 20:00", "Rapid Deployment Team", etc. plus they get to drive around in Pontiac Fieros, which are just totally the perfect car for this crew. no wonder it's the "Otaku Patrol Group Squad Car of Choice".

i really like that they have a sense of humor about themselves--a saving grace for any quasi-military Goth HAM radio organization. see, for example, Missy Crisis - Unit Number 47K9 "Action Dog". Missy rocks. All Action Dogs rock. I love Action Dogs.

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Leave Gary Coleman Alone!!
"will the world please LEAVE GARY COLEMAN ALONE!!"

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this new site from vw is really cool. i wish it wasn't a big corporate site, but it is. when powerful multinational companies make cool sites, well it just turns the whole world on its head and makes me all conflicted. enjoy!

i went to this site today and i enjoyed it for 5 or 10 minutes, which is pretty good for a website.

i think it probably changes a lot, but right now it's sort of a deconstructed tamagotchi, if that makes any sense.

06.15.99 biiitch of the day!
pantera fans sound off about their concerns: the state of our nation, trends in popular music, gender issues, Pantera.

good stuff. raw but good.


"I like to wear a shirt over my T-shirts and they want you to tuck them in or you get in trouble. And if you just wear the T-shirt you have to tuck it to. I'm a good student and I think this is a bunch of DOG DO."

"Don't talk shit about Ozzy.. he deserves more respect than that."

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limited edition graduation furby
Q: how can you tell if a graduate should probably have been held back?

A: they want a limited edition graduation furby.
someone just called here asking me if i wanted to participate in a poll about public schools. i care about schools, but i can't be bothered to take a poll, because i've done phone polls a few times before and each time they start to be about public policy and 45 minutes later, end up being about which brand of ice cream i buy.

that makes me think that any statistical data gathered from phone polls has to be pretty skewed because most normal people are going to just say forget it. the only respondants are going to be
  • people who care a lot about the purported subject
  • people who have never been suckered into a poll before
  • or pathetic lonely people who crave any human contact no matter how shallow and pointless.
this hadn't occured to me before, but maybe it's obvious to everyone else. in fact, maybe that's what it says on the small print underneath the poll results: "5 percent margin of error. results reflect the opinions of suckers and losers."

48 Swedish classics (1958-1971). this is so cool. you can listen to snippets of classic Swedish pop songs. plus you can see little pictures of all the album cover art.

in the interest of saving you time, here are the tracks that i reckon are the best. this won't really save you much time, because i like so many of them. i guess that's why they call them classics.

2 ("it's my party and i'll cry if i want to" in Swedish), 14, 16, 18, 25 (country), 26 (like 1970s Elvis, if he had been Swedish), 27, 29 (sexy), 37!, 38 (cleaned-up rockabilly, like a rockabilly pat-boone), 40!, 41 (a go-go), 42 ("hit the road jack"), 43 (another cover), 44, 45, and 48.

also after 48, there's a hidden bonus track.

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the smurfalizer
tying in the above Swedish site with the Smurf stuff below. this is one of those web things where you type in a URL and it changes the text into another language or dialect. in this case the language is smurf--specifically, the Swedish dialect of smurf, which is a little different than English smurf.

here's this page in smurf.

and here's suck. "a fish a barrel and a smurf gun."

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funny, just because it is not the site for skinny puppy, the defunct Vancouver band. but i think that if that band was still around, they'd probably be doing something like the Celebrity 1000--specifically the Celebrity 1000 Romance Network--instead of gothic industrial music occasionally focusing on animal rights.
this was just on tv. i have no idea what it refers to:

"i've been in this city for almost 2 years, and now you're forcing me to humiliate myself as a mambo-dancing waiter."
sarcasm is the lowest form of humor
when people say this, i think it's such a cheap shot.

because, first of all, if there is really a lowest form, it's probably slapstick. also derisive mockery in the form of unflattering imitation has got to be pretty low--below sarcasm anyway. sarcasm actually seems fairly complex.

"sarcasm is the lowest blah blah blah..." people say it like it's a fact, as if there's a well-charted evolutionary course that humor followed. "we're pretty sure that in caveman times the first jokes were sarcasm--one caveman mocking another with sarcastic grunts and bleating." if humor follows an ontogenical path, then there must be some type of humor so highly-evolved that only a few great minds of our time can even understand it! (i want you to think about that next time you're stoned.)

the other thing that bugs me about that truism is that when someone says it you can't reply with a snotty sarcastic comment.

06.11.99 mind investigation space foil
i don't know what the hell this is. it's sort of like a server spitting out dada poetry. new stuff every time you reload.

  • "share narrow shirt unnecessary"
  • "managed release advertisement eating"
  • "glows casino rendering matrix"
  • "opponent ranging cloth seekers"
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"There is nothing here." of course, they would say that.

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site for a bi-monthly bmx video magazine. mostly i like the animation in the masthead. i think that's pretty clever.
here's a funny thing to do. i did it yesterday. just say, "i've got a joke." okay, it doesn't sound funny like that. it was all timing. i said it as someone was starting to walk away. and then they're like, oh, i have to stop and hear a joke. which no one wants to hear a joke. a real joke. one that starts something like, "a frog walks into a bank..." that's even funnier to do to someone, to stop them and then start a joke that starts like that.

i thought it was funny.

06.09.99the ultimate web smurf club
"Smurf the web and...smurfuate in SMURFOLOGY. It's fun, it's sharing with other smurfy people, it's smurfing on the net."

and now, the smurf news...
an Orange county police officer spent over 1000 hours building an elaborate, wooden smurfworld. here's another picture of "Tom's Smurfy Project". good smurfing, tom!

and scroll down to the bottom of this page for a picture of "Sam Armstrong, the President of Party Pigs, in the smurfy warehouse!" i don't know what that means, but the picture's great, and who can say no to a smurf party?

also: "Party Pigs is using the Schleich numbering system on individual figurines which is good news for us collectors."

i always have to resist writing 'indeed' after a sentence like that.